I've never done a blog post before, I figured I should probably stop clogging up the forums with my stupid shit.
Today was scary... The student teacher in my French class (that I talk to sometimes and that has been in the class for a while) asked me if I was OK when I walked in (I'm usually pretty bubbly, but the last few days I've been quiet and depressed because of the whole my-mom-finding-out thing) and later asked if I could stay after class for 30 seconds, and said that it was nothing bad. I wondered what it was all class period.
I stayed and after everyone left (except the French teacher, who wasn't really paying attention) she quietly told me that she'd noticed I'd lost a lot of weight and she was worried about me... I remembered that the last time she'd seen me was a month ago (She's a college student, they have longer winter break) and that I'd lost about 15lbs since then. Before I said anything she told me that she had struggled with it in her life and it took her a long time to ask for help. I sorta shrugged and said I didn't know that it was that obvious, and that the school counselor had already called my mom about it. She told me that she was there for me and I could always talk to her, and she hadn't said anything to anyone, she was just worried because she cared.
I remember mentioning that I didn't want to gain weight over Christmas while turning down some pastry at our French Club Christmas dinner. She overheard and laughed and told me jokingly that everyone gains over Christmas.
She turned down a truffle at our French Club face painting, saying (in French) "I don't want to get fat" in a joking tone.
Before you ask, why yes, I do overanalyze things.
Usually I know when people have or have had an ED. How did I not catch on to that?
I've been thinking about it all day. Most people see me go from 220 to 150 and congratulate me... I mean I figured no one would notice or be worried because I'm still no where near skinny. Maybe it's because she's been there that she thought something might be up? She seemed pretty sure that it wasn't healthy. Everyone just assumes that the fat chick losing weight is good, but she knew I'd lost a lot. She probably knew it was too fast to be healthy.
I've gotten comments on it, like "keep it up" or "you look awesome".
I found out later today that an acquaintance of mine had been worried about my weight loss too...
I didn't think I was far enough along for that.
I'm now imagining how many more worried talks I'm going to get when I lose more weight.
I think Monday I'm going to thank her for her concern, acknowledge that I have a problem, and reaffirm that my parents know, and then thank her for her concern again, and then asking that she not say anything to anyone.
I was kinda caught off guard, so I didn't really say anything, and I don't want to make her think that she offended me.
This is so confusing... How did she KNOW?! It wasn't a "are you being safe, I'm worried" it was an "I'm worried because you've lost a TON of weight"... like there was no doubt.
Makes me wonder who else has it figured out....
I'm not even fucking thin yet. I'm still a fatass.
This has just confused me and kept running through my mind all day.