I could feel a binge coming on.....

I had a giant bowl of soup when I got home from school to try to avoid it- 92 calories.

Then I took a nap hoping to sleep through the urge, but I woke up.

So I had some vegetables- 50

and some chips and salsa- 120

I kept craving ice cream, so I had some so that I wouldn't stuff my face with it later- 100

I figured this was a lot but if it kept away a binge it was alright.

Then the binge started

more ice cream- 150

3 granola bars- 300

lasagna- 280

slice of cheese- 80

cookies- 560

Total- 1732

I feel fucking disgusting and revolting and huge.

Fuck my inability to throw up. I feel like I should try, but it never works and I always just end up feeling like shit (not that I don't deserve it)

Tomorrow is a new day, what-fucking-ever I stuffed my face with almost 1/2 a lb worth of calories.
That's as much as "normal" people eat in a day.

I don't know if I even have a fucking eating disorder or if I'm just a fat ass who whines about being fat but has no self control and likes to stuff her face.

Maybe I'm just a stupid worthless fat whore who likes to think she has an ED because it makes her feel special. Probably.

I'm going to be this fucking fat forever if I can't get it under control.

When skinny girls binge it's OK- they're still skinny, they don't really need to lose weight, it's understandable because their bodies need food- but fuck it, my body has so much fucking energy attached to it already... it's called fat.

Sorry for the whining, I've just only ever binged like 900 calories before and I feel fucking disgusting and horrible and weak.

I feel like crying and cutting and I don't know what else.